so i mixed the tablets like it said to do on the website and washed half of it down with water, and it didn't seem right. so for the remainder i used chivas instead and i knew somehow that that was correct.

and ten minutes later, my throat goes dry and there's this acrid taste of sulphur at the back of it and i have to keep swallowing or i will dry up, dry out, just fucking DIE because it grinds like sand and it smells like rotorua and this is what hell is like, this it what the wind in hell smells of, this is what the air in hell tastes of.

in the distance, there's this pain in my gut. something tells me it hurts. it actually hurts bad, but i push the thought away. it's annoying. like a fly.

i stare at my laptop screen as the windows media player plays, and it's so utterly lovingly fascinating. cominatcha, the swirling colors declare themselves, and i agree. the words that leak out of the speakers roar like the sea. i can't see the sun anymore, but i don't mind, you're by my side, and i feel fine. i use the words like a blanket and lie in them. they're warm and comforting. i mouth the lyrics to myself. butterflies in my head, dead moths that leave my (sulphur) stinking mouth.

when it was over, i needed to pee and i needed a drink. or two. maybe more. my stomach creaks and knots itself over and over again. i'm hungry and have to search the kitchen for food. i want to puke but nothing comes up but stringy spit. i look at it stretch and plop into the toilet bowl and immediately feel like puking again.

there's a place I used to go
there's a world I used to know
there was a light and it was you
every word I say is true
I say -

every day I will wait - till youre mine again
I will die every day - till youre mine again
theres no words to explain - no beginning and no end
I will dream, I will pray - youll be mine again

I can see you dressed in red
all the secret things you said
lying barefoot in the grass
now my heart is in your hands
your hands -

every day I will wait - till youre mine again
I will die every day - till youre mine again
theres no words to explain - no beginning and no end
I will dream, I will pray - youll be mine again

it's just time that runs between us
it's the ocean underneath us
it's the picture that won't fade away

every day I will wait - youll be mine again
brings me close to the day - youll be mine again
theres no words to explain - no beginning and no end
I will dream, I will pray - youll be mine again

I feel my wings have broken in your hands
I feel the words unspoken inside

When they pull you under
And I would give you anything you want
Well all I wanted
All my dreams have fallen down
Crawling around somebody save me
And two warm hands break right through me
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it
Just stay
Stay
Come on
I've been waiting for you

I see the world has folded in your heart
I feel the waves crash down inside

And they pull me under
I would give you anything you want
Well all I wanted
And all my dreams have fallen down
Crawling around somebody save me
And two warm hands break right through me
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it
Just stay
Stay
Come on
I've been waiting for you

And all my dreams are on the ground

Crawling around somebody save me
And two warm hands break right through me
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it
Just save me

I've made this whole world shine for
Just stay
Stay
Come on
I'm still waiting for you

if i asked you, would you still say yes?